Last "Old Blog": Strawberry Swing

Oct. 7, 2008

Well, well, well.... It has certainly been a while. For all those who care (few and far between, I'm sure), I suppose I'll talk a bit about where I am today. :-)

First of all, God is so incredibly amazing.... Through the pain and everything, not only has He been there, but He's helped me grow.... I think one thing that's so important that I now understand to a greater depth is the meaning of TRUE WORSHIP. When I don't feel like it, hate the people who keep giving me crap, or whatever.... To take a moment, step back, and worship God in spite of it all....

For those who go to my church and have been in services where I've led worship.... All those things I pray or say or "exhort" (I think that word fits here....) are meant for me, too! I'm praying those things out loud over myself and over you and the whole congregation. There's no judgement or snobbiness or "looking-down-ness" here, people. It's the real thing, from my spirit. Those things are probably more for my benefit than yours! Haha! But I know that so many people also find themselves in similar situations and circumstances.

Things like truly trusting God even though I can't see a frickin thing(!), being STILL and knowing He is God.... all those things are meant for all of us, corporately, as a unit, as His CHURCH.

I am constantly blown away by the way God has moved in the midst of chaos, unbearable pain, betrayal, confusion. He's always taking my efforts and pieces and making something beautiful. I'm not out of the dark yet, but dawn is coming.... and it's a new, beautiful thing.

I'm so grateful for the new friends that I've made that appreciate me for being me! They don't try to contain me and stuff me in a box in the corner where I'm just supposed to "stay quiet" and keep to myself. At times I've felt like a singing bird who's just been released from her cage! Yes, it's a different situation with a different style and flavor to it, but it's so refreshing and freeing. To be honest, I never thought things would pan out as they have. God's opening new, unexpected doors for me and I'm walking through them.

Maybe all the pain was to bring me to this place.... Where I could finally stand up and say "Enough is enough".... To see this opportunity with eager eyes and a longing heart....

I'm expecting big things.... I really am. Something about a new challenge and broad parameters has really lit something in my spirit. Maybe because it's what I wanted all along, but was prevented from doing so.... Maybe this will all work out in the end.... Just maybe.... :-)