Oct. 7, 2008
Well, well, well.... It has certainly been a while. For all those who care (few and far between, I'm sure), I suppose I'll talk a bit about where I am today. :-)
First of all, God is so incredibly amazing.... Through the pain and everything, not only has He been there, but He's helped me grow.... I think one thing that's so important that I now understand to a greater depth is the meaning of TRUE WORSHIP. When I don't feel like it, hate the people who keep giving me crap, or whatever.... To take a moment, step back, and worship God in spite of it all....
For those who go to my church and have been in services where I've led worship.... All those things I pray or say or "exhort" (I think that word fits here....) are meant for me, too! I'm praying those things out loud over myself and over you and the whole congregation. There's no judgement or snobbiness or "looking-down-ness" here, people. It's the real thing, from my spirit. Those things are probably more for my benefit than yours! Haha! But I know that so many people also find themselves in similar situations and circumstances.
Things like truly trusting God even though I can't see a frickin thing(!), being STILL and knowing He is God.... all those things are meant for all of us, corporately, as a unit, as His CHURCH.
I am constantly blown away by the way God has moved in the midst of chaos, unbearable pain, betrayal, confusion. He's always taking my efforts and pieces and making something beautiful. I'm not out of the dark yet, but dawn is coming.... and it's a new, beautiful thing.
I'm so grateful for the new friends that I've made that appreciate me for being me! They don't try to contain me and stuff me in a box in the corner where I'm just supposed to "stay quiet" and keep to myself. At times I've felt like a singing bird who's just been released from her cage! Yes, it's a different situation with a different style and flavor to it, but it's so refreshing and freeing. To be honest, I never thought things would pan out as they have. God's opening new, unexpected doors for me and I'm walking through them.
Maybe all the pain was to bring me to this place.... Where I could finally stand up and say "Enough is enough".... To see this opportunity with eager eyes and a longing heart....
I'm expecting big things.... I really am. Something about a new challenge and broad parameters has really lit something in my spirit. Maybe because it's what I wanted all along, but was prevented from doing so.... Maybe this will all work out in the end.... Just maybe.... :-)
Who Am I?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Personal Integrity
Aug. 28, 2008
This week Christianity's been slapped across the face yet again. It's incredible to me the people who lead double lives and are sort of "famous" in the Christian world.... Catholic priests molesting children, pastors of huge churches participating in gay sex, and televangelists being financially dishonest.
The latest is Michael Guglielmucci (say that 3 times fast) from Australia. He's a pastor, musician, and songwriter from the Planetshakers band. One song he wrote in particular which is so powerful and Hillsong put on their latest album "This is Our God," is called "Healer." His songs have touched the lives of literally thousands of young people across the earth and now all of that has been damaged....
Guglielmucci said he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and he wrote the song "Healer" as a declaration of faith in God. (Find the Hillsong version on YouTube. It's really good. If you do watch it, notice the oxygen tank on stage with him....)
Last week he confessed to his parents, who are pastors of a church in Australia, that he didn't have cancer. He had lied. He used it as a coverup for his pornography addiction that he's had since he was 12 years old. He even wrote phony letters to his friends and family asking for money. He felt so guilty about it all that he'd immerse himself in good things: i.e. youth, songwriting, etc. The guilt he had from leading his double life made him physically sick. He is now undergoing psychiatric care because they're worried he might have actually believed that he had cancer. He is also signing over all the royalties that he gets from his songs because he doesn't want the money. *Google "Michael Guglielmucci" for articles.*
This is so heartbreaking.... My heart breaks for his wife, who had no idea; his parents and family members; the people at Hillsong; and the people in his church and have been positively affected by all of his efforts.It is so important that we who call ourselves Christians live lives that life up to that high calling. Personally, I can't imagine having an addiction or an issue in my life and getting up and leading worship for people in my church or youth group every week. And that's such a small scale compared to the thousands of people he's impacted.
This is also an ever-constant reminder that we can't trust everybody. A worship leader making up a story about having terminal cancer (he even had symptoms like clumps of his hair falling out as a result of the stress and guilt he was experiencing!) to cover up his 18-year porn addiction?!? Who would have thought???
We have to continually put Christ first and not ourselves and our sinful desires. Our personal lives MUST line up with our "public" or "Christian" personas. The Bible says that darkness is as light to the Lord. All that is hidden will be revealed. If we are to be people who practice what we preach, we must start with ourselves! I'm not talking about perfection or unrealistic standards because we are imperfect people and we will stumble, but we don't have to FALL. If Guglielmucci had admitted to someone that he had this problem and was getting counseling or taking active steps to free himself of that addiction, I would have much less of a problem. (I should note that Guglielmucci confessed, he wasn't caught.)
What's also incredible to me is how God used him in spite of that addiction. God isn't surprised by this revelation. He saw Guglielmucci the whole time and still used his songs to touch people....
Like John Mayer said, "Gravity has taken a better man than me.... Gravity stay the hell away from me!"
Oh God, please keep me in Your hand.... Don't let me become consumed with myself.... Don't let me get to the place where I think I'm invincible and will never get caught.... Let me stay in Your way, everlasting.... Let me run from the sin that so easily entangles into Your arms of grace.... Oh God, keep me....
This week Christianity's been slapped across the face yet again. It's incredible to me the people who lead double lives and are sort of "famous" in the Christian world.... Catholic priests molesting children, pastors of huge churches participating in gay sex, and televangelists being financially dishonest.
The latest is Michael Guglielmucci (say that 3 times fast) from Australia. He's a pastor, musician, and songwriter from the Planetshakers band. One song he wrote in particular which is so powerful and Hillsong put on their latest album "This is Our God," is called "Healer." His songs have touched the lives of literally thousands of young people across the earth and now all of that has been damaged....
Guglielmucci said he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and he wrote the song "Healer" as a declaration of faith in God. (Find the Hillsong version on YouTube. It's really good. If you do watch it, notice the oxygen tank on stage with him....)
Last week he confessed to his parents, who are pastors of a church in Australia, that he didn't have cancer. He had lied. He used it as a coverup for his pornography addiction that he's had since he was 12 years old. He even wrote phony letters to his friends and family asking for money. He felt so guilty about it all that he'd immerse himself in good things: i.e. youth, songwriting, etc. The guilt he had from leading his double life made him physically sick. He is now undergoing psychiatric care because they're worried he might have actually believed that he had cancer. He is also signing over all the royalties that he gets from his songs because he doesn't want the money. *Google "Michael Guglielmucci" for articles.*
This is so heartbreaking.... My heart breaks for his wife, who had no idea; his parents and family members; the people at Hillsong; and the people in his church and have been positively affected by all of his efforts.It is so important that we who call ourselves Christians live lives that life up to that high calling. Personally, I can't imagine having an addiction or an issue in my life and getting up and leading worship for people in my church or youth group every week. And that's such a small scale compared to the thousands of people he's impacted.
This is also an ever-constant reminder that we can't trust everybody. A worship leader making up a story about having terminal cancer (he even had symptoms like clumps of his hair falling out as a result of the stress and guilt he was experiencing!) to cover up his 18-year porn addiction?!? Who would have thought???
We have to continually put Christ first and not ourselves and our sinful desires. Our personal lives MUST line up with our "public" or "Christian" personas. The Bible says that darkness is as light to the Lord. All that is hidden will be revealed. If we are to be people who practice what we preach, we must start with ourselves! I'm not talking about perfection or unrealistic standards because we are imperfect people and we will stumble, but we don't have to FALL. If Guglielmucci had admitted to someone that he had this problem and was getting counseling or taking active steps to free himself of that addiction, I would have much less of a problem. (I should note that Guglielmucci confessed, he wasn't caught.)
What's also incredible to me is how God used him in spite of that addiction. God isn't surprised by this revelation. He saw Guglielmucci the whole time and still used his songs to touch people....
Like John Mayer said, "Gravity has taken a better man than me.... Gravity stay the hell away from me!"
Oh God, please keep me in Your hand.... Don't let me become consumed with myself.... Don't let me get to the place where I think I'm invincible and will never get caught.... Let me stay in Your way, everlasting.... Let me run from the sin that so easily entangles into Your arms of grace.... Oh God, keep me....
16 things to do at Walmart
June 28, 2008
I found this very funny and I think I'm going to plan an outing to Walmart sometime in the future....
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
I found this very funny and I think I'm going to plan an outing to Walmart sometime in the future....
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
Rest In Peace, David
June 19, 2008
UPDATE: On June 11, exactly 1 month after David's passing, Derek Cameron Collier was found and he is now in jail on $1 million bail.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Some of you may have heard that on Sunday, Mother's Day, a 20 year old man named David Datsky was stabbed.
I didn't know David very well, but I did meet him on a couple of occasions and he was the nicest guy. He was my best friend's sister's boyfriend, so I heard a lot about him. And when I met him, it was all true.
On Sunday I got a shocking call from my friend telling me what had happened.... It seemed so unreal.... and even to this day.... I've been so affected by David's passing.... more than I thought.... I've cried a lot over the loss of a precious, promising life. I had the privilege of crying, talking, and praying with my friend on that day and the days since. Please lift the Kim and Datsky families up in prayer whenever you think of them. The incredible heartache and shock they are experiencing is unimaginable. I can't imagine what I would do in their situation. David's death was so sudden.... It's so hard to bear it.... But please, please pray.
Thank you and please keep the Kim and Datsky families in your prayers.
UPDATE: On June 11, exactly 1 month after David's passing, Derek Cameron Collier was found and he is now in jail on $1 million bail.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't know David very well, but I did meet him on a couple of occasions and he was the nicest guy. He was my best friend's sister's boyfriend, so I heard a lot about him. And when I met him, it was all true.
On Sunday I got a shocking call from my friend telling me what had happened.... It seemed so unreal.... and even to this day.... I've been so affected by David's passing.... more than I thought.... I've cried a lot over the loss of a precious, promising life. I had the privilege of crying, talking, and praying with my friend on that day and the days since. Please lift the Kim and Datsky families up in prayer whenever you think of them. The incredible heartache and shock they are experiencing is unimaginable. I can't imagine what I would do in their situation. David's death was so sudden.... It's so hard to bear it.... But please, please pray.
Thank you and please keep the Kim and Datsky families in your prayers.
~R.I.P. David L. Datsky~
"Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all"
May 5, 2008
Have you ever been completely overwhelmed or had a deep realization at a totally random time? I totally had one of those this weekend on choir tour....
So I'm sleeping on the charter bus, somewhere between here and Ellensburg, just listening to Darlene Zschech's first CD, "Kiss of Heaven," (I think it was the song "Dreams" or maybe "Heaven on Earth") trying to get comfortable. I was probably humming or singing really loudly on the inside when it hit me just how much I love God.
I know that probably sounds strange, but it was just the craziest feeling. At that instant, surrounded by people and yet sort of closed off, my heart just kind of melted.... I was completely overwhelmed with how much I truly love my Jesus. Sometimes we don't think about it that much, and sometimes I wonder if I ever do anything right and if I'm doing what He wants me to.... But it was like my heart was just crying out to God, there in the back of the charter bus on a freeway.
I was almost taken aback by the depth, the intensity of my desire. Of my desire to truly love, follow, and serve Him.... It was unreal, but so real at the same time.
I will follow my King no matter what the cost. Wherever He leads me, wherever He is, that's where you'll find me. I will settle for nothing less than His plans. People may try to push their agendas and hurt me in the process, but I will not be moved until I hear His voice. In the words of King David and a little bit of Shawn McDonald, "Even though my enemy is camped upon my chest, I will fear no evil." I want so desperately to do and achieve everything God has for me. Every hurdle, every wound, every triumph, will be used for His glory. They will make me a better person. A better disciple. A better servant. A better leader....
A couple of tears actually rolled down my face as I continued to listen to music and just praise my Lord from the very core of who I am....
God is so incredible and amazing.... so indescribable. I pray that each and every one of you will have that realization and come to the place where He is truly your everything.... I don't know if you can really understand where I'm coming from or what I'm trying to share with you.... But after I thought about how deeply I am in love with my risen Savior, I felt Him whisper to my spirit, "Can you begin to fathom how much more I love you?"
Have you ever been completely overwhelmed or had a deep realization at a totally random time? I totally had one of those this weekend on choir tour....
So I'm sleeping on the charter bus, somewhere between here and Ellensburg, just listening to Darlene Zschech's first CD, "Kiss of Heaven," (I think it was the song "Dreams" or maybe "Heaven on Earth") trying to get comfortable. I was probably humming or singing really loudly on the inside when it hit me just how much I love God.
I know that probably sounds strange, but it was just the craziest feeling. At that instant, surrounded by people and yet sort of closed off, my heart just kind of melted.... I was completely overwhelmed with how much I truly love my Jesus. Sometimes we don't think about it that much, and sometimes I wonder if I ever do anything right and if I'm doing what He wants me to.... But it was like my heart was just crying out to God, there in the back of the charter bus on a freeway.
I was almost taken aback by the depth, the intensity of my desire. Of my desire to truly love, follow, and serve Him.... It was unreal, but so real at the same time.
I will follow my King no matter what the cost. Wherever He leads me, wherever He is, that's where you'll find me. I will settle for nothing less than His plans. People may try to push their agendas and hurt me in the process, but I will not be moved until I hear His voice. In the words of King David and a little bit of Shawn McDonald, "Even though my enemy is camped upon my chest, I will fear no evil." I want so desperately to do and achieve everything God has for me. Every hurdle, every wound, every triumph, will be used for His glory. They will make me a better person. A better disciple. A better servant. A better leader....
A couple of tears actually rolled down my face as I continued to listen to music and just praise my Lord from the very core of who I am....
God is so incredible and amazing.... so indescribable. I pray that each and every one of you will have that realization and come to the place where He is truly your everything.... I don't know if you can really understand where I'm coming from or what I'm trying to share with you.... But after I thought about how deeply I am in love with my risen Savior, I felt Him whisper to my spirit, "Can you begin to fathom how much more I love you?"
A "Quick" Update
May 5, 2008
Hello all! So I've definitely been so busy lately that I haven't had a chance to blog about any of the things I've been going through or done this past month! So here's kind of an update on my life....
Did anyone watch Idol Gives Back in April? I ended up missing it because I got bored watching it. We were in a hotel in Cali and I think we ended up watching Elizabeth: The Golden Age. What a movie! I hated it actually.... I totally wanted to beat the guy up. If you've seen it, you know what I mean.... ANYWAYS, I found out that next week that the American Idol Top 8 (or something like that) sang "Shout to the Lord" together! I pretty much freaked out. Honestly, I didn't believe it at first. Then I found it on YouTube or on TV or something and watched it. Then I REALLY freaked! I think that's SO FRICKING AWESOME that they sang a worship song by my FAVORITE woman/worship leader on TV....AMERICAN IDOL none the less, which is watched by TENS OF MILLIONS of people every week!!!!!!!!! I was stoked beyond belief. I think that's just the most awesomest thing ever!!!!!!!
Which leads me to my next update.... My family and I spent spring break in Phoenix and LA this year. Very cool. Phoenix and southern Cali are beautiful! I will have to expand on the Phoenix part at a later date, but here's a bit of what went on in Cali. So basically, the purpose of our trip was to look at colleges for me to attend and to see if I even like southern CA, the schools, etc. I looked at Biola and Azusa Pacific Universities. I had really, really liked Biola on paper (except for the money part....dear God....) and was hoping I'd like it in real life. The campus is beautiful. I love it there! I felt comfortable and like I fit in, which is so cool. So now, it's definitely my dream school, but we'll see what God's going to do with that whole situation.... We also got to do some sightseeing. If you check out all my pictures, you'll see that we went to Hollywood Boulevard, Venice Beach, and Rodeo Drive. It was a lot of fun. The CA is so beautiful! Phoenix is also beautiful. Their freeways look cleaner for some reason.... lol The weather was also pretty good. When we first got to LA it was in the 60s, but by Friday, it was in the 80s! Phoenix was pretty much in the 90s the 4 or so days we were there, so I definitely got reacquainted with sunshine, which was so nice!
If you read my last blog, you know that I had laryngitis and then got a cold on top of that which lasted about a week. I'm fully recovered now, but what a crap week that was. An update on the Fine Arts Festival that I competed in: I did end up singing at something like 9:45am and I couldn't get my time changed, so I lowered the key (which I had only sang once EVER, which was that day in a practice room) and just did my best. It was really weird for me.... Especially because I knew that it sounded bad and I could do so much better! So the performance really wasn't "me," if that makes any sense. But I did it, got it over with, and will throw out the judges comments because they really don't matter! lol ;-) Unfortunately worship team didn't go as smoothly as we'd wanted, but I sang my guts out and everyone did their best. Apparently we got a time violation, so that really knocked down our score, so that sucked. But Daniel did make it to nationals for his drum solo, so that's good. Everyone did really well and made a few new recruits for our youth worship team!
I just got back yesterday from my high school's choir tour, which was fun. We went to Eastern WA and Idaho. Sounds boring, but it was actually really fun! We sang at Central WA University, a high school in Spokane, Silverwood theme park in Idaho, and in Leavenworth. We also went bowling (oh wow do I suck....), swimming in a "water park" that was connected to our hotel, and spent the day riding rollercoasters at Silverwood. All in all, it was a great trip!
School is "kinda-sorta" winding down, but it doesn't really feel like it. It's crazy how fast this year has gone by.... I'm almost a senior! Wow! I remember feeling like I'd never graduate, and now here it comes.... It's just crazy! So there you go....a general update on my life, travels, etc. :-)
Hello all! So I've definitely been so busy lately that I haven't had a chance to blog about any of the things I've been going through or done this past month! So here's kind of an update on my life....
Did anyone watch Idol Gives Back in April? I ended up missing it because I got bored watching it. We were in a hotel in Cali and I think we ended up watching Elizabeth: The Golden Age. What a movie! I hated it actually.... I totally wanted to beat the guy up. If you've seen it, you know what I mean.... ANYWAYS, I found out that next week that the American Idol Top 8 (or something like that) sang "Shout to the Lord" together! I pretty much freaked out. Honestly, I didn't believe it at first. Then I found it on YouTube or on TV or something and watched it. Then I REALLY freaked! I think that's SO FRICKING AWESOME that they sang a worship song by my FAVORITE woman/worship leader on TV....AMERICAN IDOL none the less, which is watched by TENS OF MILLIONS of people every week!!!!!!!!! I was stoked beyond belief. I think that's just the most awesomest thing ever!!!!!!!
Which leads me to my next update.... My family and I spent spring break in Phoenix and LA this year. Very cool. Phoenix and southern Cali are beautiful! I will have to expand on the Phoenix part at a later date, but here's a bit of what went on in Cali. So basically, the purpose of our trip was to look at colleges for me to attend and to see if I even like southern CA, the schools, etc. I looked at Biola and Azusa Pacific Universities. I had really, really liked Biola on paper (except for the money part....dear God....) and was hoping I'd like it in real life. The campus is beautiful. I love it there! I felt comfortable and like I fit in, which is so cool. So now, it's definitely my dream school, but we'll see what God's going to do with that whole situation.... We also got to do some sightseeing. If you check out all my pictures, you'll see that we went to Hollywood Boulevard, Venice Beach, and Rodeo Drive. It was a lot of fun. The CA is so beautiful! Phoenix is also beautiful. Their freeways look cleaner for some reason.... lol The weather was also pretty good. When we first got to LA it was in the 60s, but by Friday, it was in the 80s! Phoenix was pretty much in the 90s the 4 or so days we were there, so I definitely got reacquainted with sunshine, which was so nice!
If you read my last blog, you know that I had laryngitis and then got a cold on top of that which lasted about a week. I'm fully recovered now, but what a crap week that was. An update on the Fine Arts Festival that I competed in: I did end up singing at something like 9:45am and I couldn't get my time changed, so I lowered the key (which I had only sang once EVER, which was that day in a practice room) and just did my best. It was really weird for me.... Especially because I knew that it sounded bad and I could do so much better! So the performance really wasn't "me," if that makes any sense. But I did it, got it over with, and will throw out the judges comments because they really don't matter! lol ;-) Unfortunately worship team didn't go as smoothly as we'd wanted, but I sang my guts out and everyone did their best. Apparently we got a time violation, so that really knocked down our score, so that sucked. But Daniel did make it to nationals for his drum solo, so that's good. Everyone did really well and made a few new recruits for our youth worship team!
I just got back yesterday from my high school's choir tour, which was fun. We went to Eastern WA and Idaho. Sounds boring, but it was actually really fun! We sang at Central WA University, a high school in Spokane, Silverwood theme park in Idaho, and in Leavenworth. We also went bowling (oh wow do I suck....), swimming in a "water park" that was connected to our hotel, and spent the day riding rollercoasters at Silverwood. All in all, it was a great trip!
School is "kinda-sorta" winding down, but it doesn't really feel like it. It's crazy how fast this year has gone by.... I'm almost a senior! Wow! I remember feeling like I'd never graduate, and now here it comes.... It's just crazy! So there you go....a general update on my life, travels, etc. :-)
"Yes, I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned"
(That’s a line from the song "Lesson Learned," which was penned by Alicia Keys and John Mayer off her new album, As I Am. Good CD!)
So much has been going on in my life lately.... I’ve been hurt a lot, cried a lot, talked a lot, thought a lot, and learned a lot. I’ve reevaluated a lot of things, reprioritized some things, changed some things, and realized other things. I’ve learned so much about myself ... it’s kind of weird....
I never expected life to be perfect, because it isn’t, but sometimes life just hits you smack in the face at 100mph with no warnings at all. Maybe the warnings were there, but you chose to ignore them or whatever. So many different things in my life came crashing down at once, it was too much for me to handle. Although things have been repaired, it will never be the same as it was before.... Honestly, I’ve never been so deeply hurt.... (There were about 3 to 5 days where I seriously couldn’t listen to any music because every song reminded me of something related to what I was dealing with!) Through it all, I’ve seen myself at my worst .... and maybe my best, I don’t really know. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.... I’ve seen my blaring flaws, and the imperfect person I really am. It’s kind of scary, to be honest.
I learned a lot about the company I keep.... Through all the ups and downs over this past month or so, I’ve discovered who my true friends are. I’ve seen who will probably be in my life for the long haul, and who will probably fade as time passes. I’ve sorted out the seasonal leaves from the roots. It’s funny to see who comes out of the woodwork while you’re passing through the fire.... It’s been a hard process, but so necessary in the long run. Some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. It’s just a fact. The seasonal friends are here for this season in our lives to teach us something, and vice versa. They aren’t necessarily bad in any way, it just requires a different kind of relationship and priority. On the other hand, I’ve also grown some "roots" (Thank you, Shawn McDonald, for that amazing CD!). People I’ve known for a while all of a sudden stood up and I began to take notice of how connected we really are....what gems they are...and how I couldn’t do life without them. I’m so privileged to know so many genuine, caring, supportive people! Especially after these last couple of episodes in my life, I’ve really been able to differentiate between the rhinestones and the diamonds.
I think the trouble comes when we mistake our leaves for our roots, and our roots for leaves. I think that’s where I was.... Maybe my tree needed to be shaken a bit for me to realize it. Both types of friends are important and teach us something, but we shouldn’t pour our hearts out to the leaves when they’ll just blow away when the wind comes, or miss out on what can be gained from the roots.
Another lesson that seems to be reiterated often is that nothing is forever, and everything is temporary. I think I became too comfortable with where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing.... I needed to be reminded that this isn’t it. There’s more to be had.... And with that, comes so much uncertainty. In more ways than one, my next steps aren’t very clear.... I’m still patiently waiting for the Word ... because obedience is better than sacrifice, and I trust Him completely....
My "Pre-Life" Crisis
Feb. 18, 2008
It is here, halfway through February 2008, that I find myself in what I'm calling a "pre-life crisis". I turned 17 a month ago and now I'm already into the second semester of my junior year of high school. A few weeks ago I just felt like my whole future crashed over me in a tidal wave.... Let me explain.
I'm sort of a crazy child.... I've been looking at colleges since the 7th or 8th grade. It's always been something I've been interested in and it was never really a question of whether or not I was going to college.... I was going. The way I'm wired, I view my life as a never-ending countdown to something, somewhere. I counted down the days til I turned 17, could legally drive people in my luxurious minivan, my senior year, college, etc. But graduation and college has always seemed so incredibly distant....and now it's just a football field away.
A few weeks ago I just began deeply thinking about these things....all the changes that are going to be taking place in a year and a half's time....and I honestly felt like I was going to cry....just break into tears right then and there, in the middle of my British Literature class. I was suddenly completely overwhelmed with....well, everything, it seemed like. I would probably not get to see many of my friends again, or at least for long periods of time, I wouldn't see my family, I wouldn't be able to go to my church.... Oh, so many things.
What's sort of funny is that I want change. Deep down inside of me, I know I want things to change. I want to go out and explore the world....explore myself....explore this glorious thing called Life. I want to try new things and fall more in love with the Creator of it all. I know I'm not meant to stay here forever. But at the same time, there's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure.
This whole college process has been and is going to be very difficult for my family. My parents can be a bit overprotective at times and this whole thing of their daughter growing up and becoming an adult is such a shock for them. It's going to be incredibly hard for them to let go. My little sister is going to be forced to find out who she really is as a person, without her big sister around. It'll force her to become more of a leader, I think. But as much as I want my parents to let go, (and believe me, I do!) a small....itsy-bitsy....almost microscopic part of me doesn't want them to.
I think comfort has a huge part in what I'm feeling and going through right now. I'm so comfortable here. Especially in church life and with all of my fabulous friends. I've found my niche and I'm surrounded by people I love, and people who love me. I'm doing what I love and I've just been so blessed.... I can't even put into the words the intense gratitude I have in my heart. As much as I'm ready for a new adventure, I'm a bit terrified. Of the new hurdles I'll have to leap over.... All the new people I'll have to meet....
I think that's another thing: people. Oh my word, I love people. :-) One thing I don't like, though, is having to establish myself...or build a reputation for myself. I've noticed that about myself whenever I changed schools. Like when I started elementary school, then moved to middle school, and now to high school. Each time I had to re-establish who I was, because my new teachers had no idea. They probably thought I was a punk kid like everybody else, and I always tried to show them that I wasn't. I was a good student who got good grades and just wanted to keep doing it. (Yes, I'm a goody-two-shoes, ok? :-) I think college is going to be similar to this, but on a much grander scale. Most of the people I know, work with, and do life with have known me since I was in the 5th or 6th grade. They know me pretty well and we have a history together. In college, NO ONE is going to know who I am as a person or anything about me. I won't have a history with anyone. Everyone's going to make their judgements and I will have to re-establish myself once again. (Please don't get me wrong, I don't expect people to "know who I am".... I know I'm not a celebrity or even someone who should be known.) All the people I hold so dear won't be there. My best friends won't be there. The people who know me the most won't be there. I won't have anyone to confide in or have inside jokes with.... Sure, I'll make friends, I'm not super-worried about that. ;-) But it takes time to really get to know someone....and maybe that's what I'm worried about.
College is going to be the biggest shock of my life (so far). I have no doubts about that. A part of me wants to go so bad and get all of this mundane stuff overwith, but another part of me just wants to keep on doing what I'm doing here...with the people I've come to know and love. I look forward to the future with a nervous smile and anticipation....but dread the day when I'll have to say goodbye to everything that's familiar.
It is here, halfway through February 2008, that I find myself in what I'm calling a "pre-life crisis". I turned 17 a month ago and now I'm already into the second semester of my junior year of high school. A few weeks ago I just felt like my whole future crashed over me in a tidal wave.... Let me explain.
I'm sort of a crazy child.... I've been looking at colleges since the 7th or 8th grade. It's always been something I've been interested in and it was never really a question of whether or not I was going to college.... I was going. The way I'm wired, I view my life as a never-ending countdown to something, somewhere. I counted down the days til I turned 17, could legally drive people in my luxurious minivan, my senior year, college, etc. But graduation and college has always seemed so incredibly distant....and now it's just a football field away.
A few weeks ago I just began deeply thinking about these things....all the changes that are going to be taking place in a year and a half's time....and I honestly felt like I was going to cry....just break into tears right then and there, in the middle of my British Literature class. I was suddenly completely overwhelmed with....well, everything, it seemed like. I would probably not get to see many of my friends again, or at least for long periods of time, I wouldn't see my family, I wouldn't be able to go to my church.... Oh, so many things.
What's sort of funny is that I want change. Deep down inside of me, I know I want things to change. I want to go out and explore the world....explore myself....explore this glorious thing called Life. I want to try new things and fall more in love with the Creator of it all. I know I'm not meant to stay here forever. But at the same time, there's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure.
This whole college process has been and is going to be very difficult for my family. My parents can be a bit overprotective at times and this whole thing of their daughter growing up and becoming an adult is such a shock for them. It's going to be incredibly hard for them to let go. My little sister is going to be forced to find out who she really is as a person, without her big sister around. It'll force her to become more of a leader, I think. But as much as I want my parents to let go, (and believe me, I do!) a small....itsy-bitsy....almost microscopic part of me doesn't want them to.
I think comfort has a huge part in what I'm feeling and going through right now. I'm so comfortable here. Especially in church life and with all of my fabulous friends. I've found my niche and I'm surrounded by people I love, and people who love me. I'm doing what I love and I've just been so blessed.... I can't even put into the words the intense gratitude I have in my heart. As much as I'm ready for a new adventure, I'm a bit terrified. Of the new hurdles I'll have to leap over.... All the new people I'll have to meet....
I think that's another thing: people. Oh my word, I love people. :-) One thing I don't like, though, is having to establish myself...or build a reputation for myself. I've noticed that about myself whenever I changed schools. Like when I started elementary school, then moved to middle school, and now to high school. Each time I had to re-establish who I was, because my new teachers had no idea. They probably thought I was a punk kid like everybody else, and I always tried to show them that I wasn't. I was a good student who got good grades and just wanted to keep doing it. (Yes, I'm a goody-two-shoes, ok? :-) I think college is going to be similar to this, but on a much grander scale. Most of the people I know, work with, and do life with have known me since I was in the 5th or 6th grade. They know me pretty well and we have a history together. In college, NO ONE is going to know who I am as a person or anything about me. I won't have a history with anyone. Everyone's going to make their judgements and I will have to re-establish myself once again. (Please don't get me wrong, I don't expect people to "know who I am".... I know I'm not a celebrity or even someone who should be known.) All the people I hold so dear won't be there. My best friends won't be there. The people who know me the most won't be there. I won't have anyone to confide in or have inside jokes with.... Sure, I'll make friends, I'm not super-worried about that. ;-) But it takes time to really get to know someone....and maybe that's what I'm worried about.
College is going to be the biggest shock of my life (so far). I have no doubts about that. A part of me wants to go so bad and get all of this mundane stuff overwith, but another part of me just wants to keep on doing what I'm doing here...with the people I've come to know and love. I look forward to the future with a nervous smile and anticipation....but dread the day when I'll have to say goodbye to everything that's familiar.
Martin Luther King, Jr. & Our Lives
Feb. 5, 2008
Today is Martin Luther King Day, but I think barely anybody even thinks of him, his mission, or his sacrifice. It's sad, because he gave his life for freedom, justice, and equality...and we get a day off. (Or at least some of us do. :-) I sang "Lift Ev'ry Voice" at my old middle school's MLK assembly on Friday because my old teacher asked me to. She's an interesting person and is really involved in civil rights/liberties and stuff like that. However, she's not a Christian and I'm not really sure where she stands on the whole "there's a God" thing. I think she's more like those who take bits and pieces from whatever religion they want and mash it up together to create some type of personalized religion/spirituality/whatever you want to call it. As she was introducing me, she gave a brief story about how she went to hear Dr. King give his "I Have a Dream" speech when she was about 10 years old. In it she mentioned that she got her strength and hope from Dr. King and called on him whenever she needed it. I couldn't help sort of chuckling and shaking my head because how ridiculous is that - calling on a dead person to give you strength???
Dr. King was a great man, no doubt. He's one of my heroes...someone who really stood up and DID something, which so many people fail to do. I think in today's society, Dr. King's belief in Christ and the fact that he was a PASTOR before he was a civil rights leader, gets heavily overlooked. It's kind of brushed aside. But Christ was where he found his strength, not in himself, or the people he was surrounded by. Because his faith was in Jesus and Him alone, God did incredible things through him and changed a nation. To this day, 45 years later, people still talk about Dr. King and millions of lives have been changed because he listened to the call of God on his life.
This led me to think about what my calling is.... What it is that God's called me to do. Will I follow that still, small voice? That ever-present, yet gentle tug in my spirit? What would happen if the young people across this earth would stand up in their God-given abilities and gifts, hopes and dreams? Could I change a nation? Could I rewrite history for the generations that will come after me? What if we believed that our God was as big as He said He was? What if we believed He really was "mighty to save"? What if we would give our ENTIRE lives over to the cause of Christ and His Kingdom?
I believe, in the very core of my being, that each and every person has something, a mission, that God has called them to do. As Christians, those that claim to follow the words of a Man who claimed He was the Messiah - our Savior, we can't just sit in our comfortable pews and look at the world and shake our heads with pity. If we stay seated...if we stay quiet and ignore what the Spirit of God has called us to do, how can we call ourselves His? What if Dr. King hadn't listened to the voice of God and just said, "No, no, God.... I can't do this. I'm not _____ enough. Please, please...not me"? Millions of people would be affected. My life would be drastically different.... I can't even begin to fathom it. What if people's destinies were hinged on whether you said "Yes!" to God's plan for your life? What if there is someone waiting for YOU?
It's up to the Church to change the world.... There's no one else to do it. The government can't do it. Education can't do it. Only the life-changing, radical, unconditional, matchless, powerful name of Jesus and the Gospel can change the world and bring love to a love-staved planet. We put our hope in people like Oprah or Bono and sort of pat them on the back for what they're doing. And what they're doing is great.... I wish Christians, whose true religion should consist of taking care of the widows and orphans, would do what they do. We have 24/7 access to the God of the universe and all we care about is our little world. There's so much more to life and so much needs to be done. My heart's cry...my deepest desire...is to say "Yes!" to wherever God leads me. Possibly my deepest fear is that I'd miss out on what God has for me. People's eternal destinies are dependent upon my obedience to this Jesus that I claim to love so much. It's so much BIGGER than me and my little comfortable slice of life.
When I think about how incredible the grace of God is...it makes me cry. When I think of how NOTHING on this green earth happens without God's knowledge...it just blows my mind. I've been placed here (in this country, in this state, in this county, in this town, in this church, in this school, in this neighborhood) for a reason. Nothing's by accident. My ever-living God has had it all planned from the beginning. He's placed a calling on my life, and who am I to say "No" to the Creator of all? My life has worked out the way it has because I'm determined to fulfill my purpose while I'm here on this earth. I know it's not going to be easy...and it hasn't...but I truly believe that "my God is mighty to save" and whatever obstacles I face, they won't stop me from following His plan with gusto and enthusiasm, perserverance and faith.
What if Dr. King had said "no" to what God was calling him to do? This country would not be in the state it's in, that's for sure. What if your saying no to what God's calling you to do would have the same impact? What if you could see the impact of your disobedience to His calling, His wooing? Would you still say no?
Today is Martin Luther King Day, but I think barely anybody even thinks of him, his mission, or his sacrifice. It's sad, because he gave his life for freedom, justice, and equality...and we get a day off. (Or at least some of us do. :-) I sang "Lift Ev'ry Voice" at my old middle school's MLK assembly on Friday because my old teacher asked me to. She's an interesting person and is really involved in civil rights/liberties and stuff like that. However, she's not a Christian and I'm not really sure where she stands on the whole "there's a God" thing. I think she's more like those who take bits and pieces from whatever religion they want and mash it up together to create some type of personalized religion/spirituality/whatever you want to call it. As she was introducing me, she gave a brief story about how she went to hear Dr. King give his "I Have a Dream" speech when she was about 10 years old. In it she mentioned that she got her strength and hope from Dr. King and called on him whenever she needed it. I couldn't help sort of chuckling and shaking my head because how ridiculous is that - calling on a dead person to give you strength???
Dr. King was a great man, no doubt. He's one of my heroes...someone who really stood up and DID something, which so many people fail to do. I think in today's society, Dr. King's belief in Christ and the fact that he was a PASTOR before he was a civil rights leader, gets heavily overlooked. It's kind of brushed aside. But Christ was where he found his strength, not in himself, or the people he was surrounded by. Because his faith was in Jesus and Him alone, God did incredible things through him and changed a nation. To this day, 45 years later, people still talk about Dr. King and millions of lives have been changed because he listened to the call of God on his life.
This led me to think about what my calling is.... What it is that God's called me to do. Will I follow that still, small voice? That ever-present, yet gentle tug in my spirit? What would happen if the young people across this earth would stand up in their God-given abilities and gifts, hopes and dreams? Could I change a nation? Could I rewrite history for the generations that will come after me? What if we believed that our God was as big as He said He was? What if we believed He really was "mighty to save"? What if we would give our ENTIRE lives over to the cause of Christ and His Kingdom?
I believe, in the very core of my being, that each and every person has something, a mission, that God has called them to do. As Christians, those that claim to follow the words of a Man who claimed He was the Messiah - our Savior, we can't just sit in our comfortable pews and look at the world and shake our heads with pity. If we stay seated...if we stay quiet and ignore what the Spirit of God has called us to do, how can we call ourselves His? What if Dr. King hadn't listened to the voice of God and just said, "No, no, God.... I can't do this. I'm not _____ enough. Please, please...not me"? Millions of people would be affected. My life would be drastically different.... I can't even begin to fathom it. What if people's destinies were hinged on whether you said "Yes!" to God's plan for your life? What if there is someone waiting for YOU?
It's up to the Church to change the world.... There's no one else to do it. The government can't do it. Education can't do it. Only the life-changing, radical, unconditional, matchless, powerful name of Jesus and the Gospel can change the world and bring love to a love-staved planet. We put our hope in people like Oprah or Bono and sort of pat them on the back for what they're doing. And what they're doing is great.... I wish Christians, whose true religion should consist of taking care of the widows and orphans, would do what they do. We have 24/7 access to the God of the universe and all we care about is our little world. There's so much more to life and so much needs to be done. My heart's cry...my deepest desire...is to say "Yes!" to wherever God leads me. Possibly my deepest fear is that I'd miss out on what God has for me. People's eternal destinies are dependent upon my obedience to this Jesus that I claim to love so much. It's so much BIGGER than me and my little comfortable slice of life.
When I think about how incredible the grace of God is...it makes me cry. When I think of how NOTHING on this green earth happens without God's knowledge...it just blows my mind. I've been placed here (in this country, in this state, in this county, in this town, in this church, in this school, in this neighborhood) for a reason. Nothing's by accident. My ever-living God has had it all planned from the beginning. He's placed a calling on my life, and who am I to say "No" to the Creator of all? My life has worked out the way it has because I'm determined to fulfill my purpose while I'm here on this earth. I know it's not going to be easy...and it hasn't...but I truly believe that "my God is mighty to save" and whatever obstacles I face, they won't stop me from following His plan with gusto and enthusiasm, perserverance and faith.
What if Dr. King had said "no" to what God was calling him to do? This country would not be in the state it's in, that's for sure. What if your saying no to what God's calling you to do would have the same impact? What if you could see the impact of your disobedience to His calling, His wooing? Would you still say no?
Old Stuff: "Do I Exist???"
So the next 10+ posts are going to be old stuff that I've written and figured I'd put up on here.... I know it's a lot! But if I do it all in one shot, then I won't have to come back to it later, you know? :-P
Do I Even Exist???
Dec. 2, 2007
Ok, so I'm a diehard romantic. I don't know if that's obvious when people first get to know me...but it's the truth regardless. My favorite movie is "Pride & Prejudice" (which could possibly be the most romantic movie of all time) and my favorite book is "Redeeming Love." What can I say - I'm a romantic! I always dream of the day I'll meet "Mr. Right" and be whisked off to Sydney to live happily ever after. (lol ok, so it's not exactly like that....) But anyways...lately it seems like anyone I've ever been interested in...something's wrong with them. Whether it be they have a girlfriend, they're retarded, or they're just too old. (I gave up on Matt Damon yesterday....) Part of me wants to wait until God drops him right in front of me (no, I'm not referring to Matt Damon...although I could go for that), but part of me's like "I wanna be the girl with the boyfriend for once!!!" I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never been kissed...and I'm almost 17. I don't feel pressured at all to check those off my list or anything.... It's just that sometimes I want to feel special, too, you know? This is probably horrible, but at school I'm always like, "Oh my gosh - SHE has a boyfriend?" or vice versa. I know I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world...but sometimes I want to know what it's like. And not with just anyone. Don't get me wrong - I'm NOT desperate! I'd be single for a really long time before I went out with some random person...that's not how I roll. ;-)
You know what's interesting...a couple months ago I almost got into my first relationship and thank God I didn't. I didn't know him super-well, but I tend to think the best of people until proven otherwise. I knew that he hadn't had the best life, but he was trying to change all that. He was absolutely smitten with me. I couldn't return those feelings. But when we talked I got all excited and nervous.... Just ask my best friend - I was an emotional mess! But I was a mess because I knew that I didn't like him nearly as much as he liked me. It was a tough situation, but some circumstances arose and he ended up moving away. Honestly...I can say I felt relieved. I ended up finding out some things that made me go "Oh my gosh...I almost fell for that. What could've happened to me?"
I'm glad that nothing ended up happening and nothing was taken from me.... I can still dream of the first time I'll hold hands, go on a date, have my first kiss.... I want all those "firsts" to be with someone special.... Not just for fun...but to really get to know someone.... But so far, it looks like I've got more waiting to do. :-) Deep down, waiting is ok with me. I've got big dreams. I want to go to school outside of LA and study [marketing] and then go to Sydney and study [music]. Although I really don't want to wait until I go to Sydney to meet my Aussie man, I'm willing to hold out for him. Who knows...maybe I won't even have to go to Sydney to meet him. ;-)
Do I Even Exist???
Dec. 2, 2007
Ok, so I'm a diehard romantic. I don't know if that's obvious when people first get to know me...but it's the truth regardless. My favorite movie is "Pride & Prejudice" (which could possibly be the most romantic movie of all time) and my favorite book is "Redeeming Love." What can I say - I'm a romantic! I always dream of the day I'll meet "Mr. Right" and be whisked off to Sydney to live happily ever after. (lol ok, so it's not exactly like that....) But anyways...lately it seems like anyone I've ever been interested in...something's wrong with them. Whether it be they have a girlfriend, they're retarded, or they're just too old. (I gave up on Matt Damon yesterday....) Part of me wants to wait until God drops him right in front of me (no, I'm not referring to Matt Damon...although I could go for that), but part of me's like "I wanna be the girl with the boyfriend for once!!!" I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never been kissed...and I'm almost 17. I don't feel pressured at all to check those off my list or anything.... It's just that sometimes I want to feel special, too, you know? This is probably horrible, but at school I'm always like, "Oh my gosh - SHE has a boyfriend?" or vice versa. I know I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world...but sometimes I want to know what it's like. And not with just anyone. Don't get me wrong - I'm NOT desperate! I'd be single for a really long time before I went out with some random person...that's not how I roll. ;-)
You know what's interesting...a couple months ago I almost got into my first relationship and thank God I didn't. I didn't know him super-well, but I tend to think the best of people until proven otherwise. I knew that he hadn't had the best life, but he was trying to change all that. He was absolutely smitten with me. I couldn't return those feelings. But when we talked I got all excited and nervous.... Just ask my best friend - I was an emotional mess! But I was a mess because I knew that I didn't like him nearly as much as he liked me. It was a tough situation, but some circumstances arose and he ended up moving away. Honestly...I can say I felt relieved. I ended up finding out some things that made me go "Oh my gosh...I almost fell for that. What could've happened to me?"
I'm glad that nothing ended up happening and nothing was taken from me.... I can still dream of the first time I'll hold hands, go on a date, have my first kiss.... I want all those "firsts" to be with someone special.... Not just for fun...but to really get to know someone.... But so far, it looks like I've got more waiting to do. :-) Deep down, waiting is ok with me. I've got big dreams. I want to go to school outside of LA and study [marketing] and then go to Sydney and study [music]. Although I really don't want to wait until I go to Sydney to meet my Aussie man, I'm willing to hold out for him. Who knows...maybe I won't even have to go to Sydney to meet him. ;-)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Sacrifice of Praise....etc.
My Spirit was heavy this morning.... It's rare that I go into the House of God deeply feeling that way.... Especially as we (the worship team) are praying before the service begins, I just felt a weightiness inside of me. My outside circumstances haven't changed much in a negative nor positive way. But I just had a burden, or maybe burdens.... But right then and there I gave it all to God, as I thought I had, but I was still worrying about it all I guess. So I prayed it out loud and let it go.... float into the clouds like a little balloon.... and took some moments after "team prayer" to just sit, think, pray, and once again commit myself to the Lord.... I definitely gave a sacrifice of praise this morning, and even though it wasn't "powerful," I was actively participating, actively worshipping.... actively loving....
On another note, our Bible study went awesomely well last night. We got off topic a bit :-) but God was there. We all came away with something we could work on, as well as new dreams and goals.... I'm so pumped about what God's going to do through every one of us.... The best is yet to come!
Tonight will be pretty lax, which will be so nice after the beyond-hectic week I've had. Here's the following lineup: nap, homework, then watch "Freedom Writers" with my little sis.... It should be a pretty good night....
Oh, and I bought Sara Bareilles' CD the other night! Good stuff....
On another note, our Bible study went awesomely well last night. We got off topic a bit :-) but God was there. We all came away with something we could work on, as well as new dreams and goals.... I'm so pumped about what God's going to do through every one of us.... The best is yet to come!
Tonight will be pretty lax, which will be so nice after the beyond-hectic week I've had. Here's the following lineup: nap, homework, then watch "Freedom Writers" with my little sis.... It should be a pretty good night....
Oh, and I bought Sara Bareilles' CD the other night! Good stuff....
Monday, October 13, 2008
Dance.Love.Sing.Live
"Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Live as though heaven is on earth." - Souza
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Happy Thoughts
....this is random, but
the future's going to be amazing....
seriously stoked about it to be honest....
have to find a way to stay in the present....
it's kind of a dilemma for us enfp's....
always looking ahead....
perpetually waiting for the destination....
the future's going to be amazing....
seriously stoked about it to be honest....
have to find a way to stay in the present....
it's kind of a dilemma for us enfp's....
always looking ahead....
perpetually waiting for the destination....
Smack Bam
I was riding in the car today when I got an idea for a new song. Not a worship song, just a song. I love it when that happens.... :-) So I jotted down some ideas and once things calm down in my life (this is going to be an insanely busy week!) I'll come back to it and maybe work on some lyrics. Then as I pick up the guitar and piano, I can finally add music to it! Exciting stuff....
DANG IT!
I almost made it 2 months exactly without making a single post.... Haha! Sad, but true. If I was only a few minutes earlier!
I still haven't posted other things I've written, but I promise to do those.... someday. But for now, I wanted to leave you with some thoughts about freedom. Those who live in the US of A should take heed....
We went to Canada to visit some friends yesterday (Friday). At a point late in the evening, he began telling us stories of how he escaped from Iran (he's Iranian, his wife's Kazakhistani but raised in Germany) to get to America. Really crazy stories he told us.... He risked his life so many times, and the lives of his family too.... It's just insane, literally insane. Maybe I'll elaborate at some point, but the next morning at breakfast I asked him, because I really wanted to know, "What is it about America.... What do we have here that would cause you to literally risk everything to get here?" Basically, his answer was "Opportunity." In Iran, there's no opportunities to live a better life.... You get what you get and the few people who are at the top of the government make all the money... by stealing basically.
Anyways, it was just a cool moment, I guess. You hear all the time about people coming from wherever to get to America (or Canada :-) and as Americans, we have no idea really what it is.... the freedom that we have.... it was just a really humbling moment and made me think of how blessed I am.... I could have been born in Iran, or Rwanda, or Russia, or China.... But God put me here "for such a time as this".... mindboggling stuff.
It's late and I gotta get up in.... 6ish hours.... so goodnight, and thank God for freedom!
PS Sorry I'm so bad at this blogging stuff. For some reason, I always think I have to write, like, a "mini-essay" or something.... Instead of just posting things that I like in general.... I'll try to do better in the future. :-)
I still haven't posted other things I've written, but I promise to do those.... someday. But for now, I wanted to leave you with some thoughts about freedom. Those who live in the US of A should take heed....
We went to Canada to visit some friends yesterday (Friday). At a point late in the evening, he began telling us stories of how he escaped from Iran (he's Iranian, his wife's Kazakhistani but raised in Germany) to get to America. Really crazy stories he told us.... He risked his life so many times, and the lives of his family too.... It's just insane, literally insane. Maybe I'll elaborate at some point, but the next morning at breakfast I asked him, because I really wanted to know, "What is it about America.... What do we have here that would cause you to literally risk everything to get here?" Basically, his answer was "Opportunity." In Iran, there's no opportunities to live a better life.... You get what you get and the few people who are at the top of the government make all the money... by stealing basically.
Anyways, it was just a cool moment, I guess. You hear all the time about people coming from wherever to get to America (or Canada :-) and as Americans, we have no idea really what it is.... the freedom that we have.... it was just a really humbling moment and made me think of how blessed I am.... I could have been born in Iran, or Rwanda, or Russia, or China.... But God put me here "for such a time as this".... mindboggling stuff.
It's late and I gotta get up in.... 6ish hours.... so goodnight, and thank God for freedom!
PS Sorry I'm so bad at this blogging stuff. For some reason, I always think I have to write, like, a "mini-essay" or something.... Instead of just posting things that I like in general.... I'll try to do better in the future. :-)
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