Pardon my vent.

....feeling a bit overwhelmed lately.... and i'm in need of a vent, so bear with me if you dare. i'm not sure how this is going to help me.... in fact, i think it may make it worse.... but i'm going on senioritis now so, what the heck....

1. the most immediate thing would be my kick-butt math test on monday.... the review is ridiculously hard and i might not even finish it.... i really can't explain how much i'm dreading this specific test....
2. scholarships. just the word sends shudders down my back. they might not be necessarily difficult, but they're just TIME-CONSUMING and so SPECIFIC. however, the must be done.
3. senior project. freaking a. so i'm teaching myself how to play the acoustic guitar, which is cool, however, i've b.s.ed all the logs, which is awesome.... so somehow i have to finish a bunch of stuff for that within the next week.
4. prom. oh my word....prom. ugh....well, i just hope things work out.... cuz i'd really hate to say no....that's enough stress in itself.
5. making huge, life-altering decisions scares the crap out of me.... ahhh MAJOR stress.
6. (low on the stress list, however, it is on there....) senior showcase. how can i possibly choose a song that sums up who i am and what i hope i've left here??? ah! stressful.

and i guess another one would be my future because well.... God's the only One who knows at this point.... *sigh* learning to rest/trust in Him is easier said than done, my friend.

ok, now let's look at some highlights.... (in order of occurence)

1. GC conference. i definitely need this. hopefully some things will be clarified and we'll just have a fabulous time.
2. spring break. unfortunately i'm not going anywhere and my college class starts that same week, but it's only 2 days. hopefully i'll get to get away for a little bit and just do some much-needed relaxing.
3. HILLSONG UNITED. this is going to be ridiculously amazing. i'm stoked beyond belief. (basically, it's a worship night w/this incredible band from australia. if you wanna go, and you should, talk to me!) www.hillsongunited.com
4. prom. you know what, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, right? so we'll make this fun.... whether we have dates or not. :-)
5. choir tour. this is going to be so fun. natasha is going to have a blast! ;-) i'm getting really excited for this, actually.
6. senior pictures. i'm really looking forward to these. i have lots of ideas for them!
7. graduation + grad parties. um, what's NOT to love???

hhmmm.....this looks more like a countdown to graduation and peacing out....but oh well. i guess that's how it is, though.... a race to graduation.... which brings about it's own stress levels without a doubt.... but somehow, i'll try to focus on the positive....

check out michael buble's version of "summer wind" ... i love it!

Thank You!!!

WOW.... Grease was a HUGE success! I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who came and supported me/us. :-) For those who came to see me, THANK YOU! I got to talk and take pictures with most of you, which is always fun. Haha! It meant so much to me that you could make it!!!

To the cast (if you read this lol) - YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!! I had a great time working with and getting to know every one of you. :-)

So....now it's over, and it's sad, and I think we'd all love to do another weekend of shows! ;-) More pictures will be up soon....

i don't know. i don't know. i don't know.

what's the point of dreaming? if, in the end, money is the deciding factor? is it?
what do i want to get out of this life? what do i want accomplish?
why didn't those born before i
fund their expectations instead of leaving a state of frustration?
what's the point? is it worth it?
what are my dreams? do they matter if all i have are empty pockets?
take the cheapest option. but i can't stay here.
then the next cheapest. hated it.
why is the one thing i want so unattainable? is it unrealistic?
what do i want? what do i want?
i don't know. i don't know. i don't know.
anything.
what i am certain of are few
what am i supposed to do?
left in a haze
blinded by reality. by the facts.
by tears. by frustration. by anger.
by the unknown.
what matters? what doesn't?
what's needed? what's better left behind?
who do i listen to:
realist vs optimist
others' perceptions and expectations of me
and what i believe to be possible
i can't hear You anymore
can't see You in this place
it will all work out. it will all work out.
somehow Your hand is in it all
but it hurts too much. reality hurts too much.
where do they meet?
faith and practicality
if all things are possible....
if all is limitless....
then what's the point of dreaming?